Fighting For Their Children’s Hearts, Minds & Souls
The phone call after midnight arrived and I’ve always dreaded its message, “Your child is in the emergency room. Please come here now.” The drug overdose was a shock. “I never saw this coming. How could this happen?” I pondered. “What could I have done? What do we do now?”
Unfortunately, the above scenario is being replayed daily throughout America. Prevention is the key and this begins with awareness and decisiveness. Opioids and alcohol DO NOT care about your wealth, age or social status. With a laugh and a short euphoric feeling, drugs can grab the unaware, the injured, the daring and the socially weak. Our children are the prey and they are being encircled by the impossible need to be perfect, excessively successful and socially accepted. It is the mothers on the frontline fighting society and peer groups for the hearts, minds and souls of their children.
Your sons and daughters are only as good as what they think and do when you’re not there. Are they prepared? Have you trained them to be world-class decision makers?
As you mentally view this next scenario, know your role and be armed with the tools to combat society’s formidable foe. “This party is awesome! All my friends are here and I look great,” pondered the daughter of a prominent family. Suddenly on a table in front of her is a line of cocaine. What will she do? If she looks around to see what her friends are doing, you failed. If she snorts the line with bravado, you failed. If she swiftly gets up to leave while holding her hand out for her friend to come with her and make no mistake she’s leaving with or without her friend, you succeeded. One battle won. Phew! Next.
Depression, anxiety, fear, worry, frustration, chaos, panic, anger and negative thinking has penetrated the homes of America’s families. Backing up like a toilet, this negative energy swiftly hides within our muscles and silently hobbles the potential high achiever. Apathy arrives. Indecision prevails. Chaos rules. Overthinking dominates all actions while self-esteem plummets. Escape is the quest when no tools or positive role models are readily available. Negative stress impacts everyone within the home. For over 20 years the fabric of family unity has frayed and it’s unraveling daily in homes across our country.
Women. Mothers. We need you more than ever (no offense to the great Dads among us). You are the beacon of hope for the future.
Here are some of my proven, concrete tools, tips and techniques.
- Family Vision Night™. Once a month this dinner night (candlelight optional) is when each family member shares their vision for their future with the entire family. Mom, Dad, teenagers and grade schoolers all share. The vision could be for the week or a lifetime. No rules. No making fun of any vision. Lastly, create a shared vision for the family (community activity, charity event, home improvement project, vacation, etc.). Shared vision will begin to mend the family unit.
- I want to hear your voice. Teenagers must call and NOT text when they are out with their peers. Hear their voice inflections, tonality and background noise. If you sense something’s wrong, they MUST come home now. Listen to your gut.
- No cell phones. Forbid media devices (parents included) at the dinner table and this includes restaurants. Ask questions. Engage.
- Just be Mom. You can be their best friend later when their 30.
- Be decisive. “No” means “No” and DO NOT feel the need to qualify your answer.
- Coach your kid to greatness. Greatness, however, is reaching a high daily standard over a long period of time. A standard is a minimum requirement for a satisfactory performance according to the performer. This mindset has set many high school and college student/athletes free from the need to overachieve and overthink, especially when they perform against superior competition.
- Sssssh. Listening and retention increases 35-40% when the voice is low and silence is spaced between the words. NO YELLING!
- Four most powerful words. Within 30-minutes of your child’s sleep, lower your voice, add silence between the words and whisper (once), “I…Believe…In…You. This will be replayed 15-20 times by your child while they sleep during the night. Self-esteem will rise after 7-10 consecutive nights. This works!
- Be aware of negative self-talk. Your children’s inner dialogue eventually will be revealed and this dictates their success or failure. Check your inner dialogue, as well.
- Wannabe coach. Avoid living vicariously through your children and their sport. It’s not about you. Sports teaches decision-making. Leave your ego at home before watching them perform. Look for ways to bolster their confidence. It’s the process of positive mental, physical and technical routines that makes a champion great. Praise the process, improve the process, and avoid talking ONLY about results.
- Be aware of 5 markers. When collectively balanced at a high level, the intangibles of Self-discipline, Concentration, Optimism, Relaxation and Enjoyment (S.C.O.R.E.®) have equal importance on attracting peak performance in school, sports or other activities. Be aware of these five markers in your child’s overall mindset. Visit com/score
- Conflict #1. Negative stress can swiftly arrive when your child’s expectations (and your own) DO NOT match reality. Coping mechanisms are needed. “Next!” is the battle cry.
- Go to bed happy. Get up happy. This isn’t easy, but it’s doable. There’s brain science about framing one’s day with positivity.
- 90-second Rule™. Check out my 90-Second Rule™ movie at com
- Train world class decision-making. This may require your student to fail. Success is getting up one more time from defeat. There are always lessons to learn. Give choices and let children decide. Unfortunately, there are consequences for poor choices. Oh well!
- Reduce your breathing (daily) from the average 15-17 breaths per minute to 6-8 breaths. You’ll instantly feel your shoulders relax and a calmness will begin to blanket you. Teach your children to do the same. When Mom is relaxed, the family is relaxed.
Mothers! You are the world’s greatest coaches. This is why pro athletes always say, “Hi Mom!” when on camera. You are your family’s last line of defense from a negative society. Be armed. No need to be perfect. Just be your genuine, authentic best self. When you take care of you, your family benefits.
I believe in the power of women, especially Moms. My grandmother, mother, wife and daughters are strong women. They all contributed more than anyone to my success. Let’s go! When strong women form a united front, everything is possible. Let’s turn our children into world-class decision makers.
Fast forward to the future. “Hi Mom! Wish you were here. Your grandchildren are having their first, Family Vison Night™. Thank you. I love you.”
Be in the Zone!™